you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
