so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
