hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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