just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
