there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
