Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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