A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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