maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Are we still banned from the library?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
