Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
