Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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