If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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