I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
