my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
