In America we eat man semen.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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