And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
