): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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