So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
