I wish I could teleport
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize