My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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