So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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