we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
