Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
