my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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