It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
