We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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