A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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