Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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