fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
