i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
