I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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