How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
