just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
