Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
