The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
