Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
