I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Drunk is a universal language darling
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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