I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
