He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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