Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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