Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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