We're like a lot better than the average bears
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
