This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
