if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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