I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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