my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
