No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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