Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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