so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
