I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
