I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think a kid would responsible me up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
