My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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