I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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