I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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