I look better un-naked...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
