And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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