I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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