that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we should paint friendship bongs
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