you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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