He is an equal opportunity slut.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
