It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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