you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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