sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I forget how to act sober
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
