My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
