She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
