come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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