he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
