That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
