Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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